A 60-year-old lady who likes to receive compliments and recognitions for her effort has just put some house plants in the bathroom to decorate a little. She asked her son, ‘what do you think about the new plants?!’

Her son, who likes to offer his opinion and tends to be critical, replied, ‘they’re a little girly. Too colourful for my taste.’

Maybe he’s right about the plants themselves. Maybe they’re not his type. But how about the bigger picture, from a bathroom with no plants previously to one that’s got plants now? Why does life always have to be ‘too much or too little’? Can’t it be just good enough? Can’t we just be content about all there is?

We can be subjective and have an opinion about something. We can truly believe we are right at different moments. We can have tunnel vision. Life can be divided into ‘this is not nice’, ‘that’s nice’. But this seems to only create grief when we think that whatever is different to our taste is ’not good’. It only makes us unhappy. But actually what’s going on in reality is just that things are different from our expectations. If we look at it objectively, then it could be a nice change to have a plant in the bathroom compared to before when there was no plant.

Do we choose to be miserable sometimes?

What do you choose to think?

#ChooseToBeHappy #ShiftYourMind #FocusOnPositives

Got to work with a pilot this week! Excited! He came through to me for interview coaching. *It’s funny how I saw him completely differently when I found out he was a captain! A captain!!!*

‘Why should I hire you?’

‘I have the professional certificate, the medical certificate, the experience, the papers.’

*Again.. general answers..!*

‘What do you think you’ve got that others don’t? I mean, there are so many pilots out there who got pass the first round!’

‘I’m motivated, passionate, dedicated. I’m responsible.’

Ok.. not quite satisfied with the lame generalities.. I asked, ‘imagine you were the company hiring managers. What do you see in this guy that gets your attention over the other ones?’

‘Well.. actually this is one of the questions I found hard to answer.’

‘Ok. Let’s try a different one. What have your boss and colleagues said about you?’

‘Hum.. they said I’m ahead of the game. That I’m well prepared. That I got the weather report before the captain even thought of it.’

‘Right! So you have foresight.’

Next time, when you have problem knowing what’s special about you, ask yourself, ‘what have others I worked with said about me? What would they say about me if they were asked?’

#CommunicationCoaching

Client: ‘I went for the interview. They asked me if I knew about certain artists. They mentioned this long Italian name that I’d never heard of! That’s when I thought, I wish I’d studied history of art! So I didn’t get that job..’

Me: ‘Next time, don’t worry about what you don’t know. Focus on talking about what you are good at! E.g. “I can get you more sales because I can gain people’s trust quickly.” That’s a skill that they can’t easily find! It doesn’t matter if we don’t have the knowledge of the subject matter – even an art historian wouldn’t know about every single artist! In many countries, candidates are recognised for their ability to learn, rather than what they already know, because the world is changing so quickly that our skill set gets obsolete if we don’t keep updating ourselves!’

What would you have said in your interview if asked about knowledge / experience that you don’t have?

#ShiftYourMind #FocusOnWhatYouHave

This week a friend of mine had a job interview and wanted to grab lunch with me to practice for it.

We just sat down, she didn’t wait, ‘ask me questions, Jess.’ I obliged. I asked a few questions. But she was struggling to find anything to say about herself. She struggled to find the words. So I said, ‘try to speak to me, not thinking that you’re in an interview.’

When she stopped because she was looking for the perfect word (she could have said ‘goal’), she struggled to pick herself up and get back. I noticed that she might have been beating herself up, having an unconstructive internal monologue, maybe something like ‘I suck. My English is terrible.’

So I said, ‘Hey, look, you know what, there’s a common misconception that having a good English level means speaking very fast like Americans. Some people take longer to put their ideas together and it’s important to recognise that doesn’t mean your English is poor, that only means your style is different.’

That night, I texted her, ‘the word for you is “confidence”, not “English”.

I hadn’t joined the dots at that time but now I realised that she’s perhaps another slight introvert who just takes time to form her own ideas.

Sometimes we forget what the task is. If we focus on what we need to do instead of evaluating how well we’re doing at the same time, then we’ll be fine. The truth is, in a meeting, in real time, our brains are not designed to think what we need to do, how well we are doing, and how people think about us, all at the same time!!! What we need to do instead is be mindful. Do one thing at a time.

That’s just too much going on and no one human being would be able to juggle all that multi-tasking at the same time! It’s a mistake for most of us to speak and judge ourselves at the same time! If we can put aside the judging, even to delay it to post-event, that would stop us from feeling nervous! Our society has conditioned us to constantly evaluate our performance. That’s common among high achievers. And that’s ok, as long as we don’t do it at the same time as we are presenting!