I recently got a new client who broke down and started crying in our first coaching session. 😮 It was a nervous breakdown. Upon some digging it seems that her problem is not communication, but confidence. I heard paradigms (self-talk, beliefs) that don’t help her, e.g. ‘I need to look good in front of my boss.’ ‘My English is not good enough.’

It also became clear that she may be an introvert who is even less likely to be outspoken, even in her own language. But instead of being herself, she’s trying to play the role of a ‘successful leader’, e.g. articulate, vocal, speak fast, dominant, an extrovert.

After a few coaching sessions, she realised her strategy was to be herself and do the things that she’s comfortable with, e.g. prepare in advance for meetings, write things down, propose ideas to her manager, let the boss lead meetings and promote her ideas, so she can observe in meetings instead.

I’m so happy to see her smiling!

Instead of subscribing to behaviours that are socially perceived to be successful, what feels authentic to you? What roles can you play instead?

#authenticleadership

Last week, I needed to go to the doctor’s. Was running late for my appointment.

Left home. Called for the lift. It came. When the doors opened I found two dismantled doors inside.

Doors closed.

Lift opened one floor below. A construction worker wearing a tank top looks as if he planned to come in with another 3-meter high wooden plank. It’s a small lift. There’s no room for the two of us with all the wood. It looked dangerous.

I said impatiently, ‘can I go down first?’

He didn’t pay any attention to me. He barged in, muttering, ‘it’s gonna be fine! Don’t worry!’

Since I made eye contact with him, he seemed confident, and started talking to me, ‘Beautiful, where are you going?’

I didn’t want to tell him where, so I replied, ‘out and about.’

‘Oh, meeting up with your boyfriend?’

‘Yea.’

Lift arrived on the ground floor.

‘Can you hold the door for me?’ He asked.

What!? I was astonished that he’d even ask! I was late already! I certainly have no time for that! But at that time I didn’t feel like I could say no..

I held open the lift for him. He took his time to take the 3 planks of wood out, one by one. Unbelievable!!

Finally it was my turn to go out.

‘Wait! Can you hold the gate?’ Now he wants me to hold open the building’s gate!? Can’t believe he even asked!

Even though I simply wanted to run out, I did it for him anyway, didn’t really think I had a choice..

Then the unexpected happened. He turned around, looked at me, ‘Oh you are so kind. Your boyfriend must treat you very well. Thank you so much,’ he smiled happily.

Although I wasn’t planning to, I made someone’s day, and seeing him smile made my day.

It’s easy to spread joy. Easier than we think. The secret is in the every-day small acts. Just be kind.

Often we say ‘I feel happy’, ‘I don’t feel happy’, ‘you make me happy’ ‘you upset me’, as if we have no control over how we should feel, giving the ownership of our happiness to others. Giving others power to ‘make us happy’.

You can ‘create’ happiness instead waiting for the feeling to ‘come up’. You can be the owner of your happiness. 🙂

#CreateHappiness #OwnYourLife #CoachingIsGold