Monthly Archives: July 2020

I should also be more confident!

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It’s been almost 2 months since I heard from my client. At the back of my mind I thought, ‘maybe she’s not finding value in our sessions.. Maybe I’m not doing such a good job..’ I was secretly worried.

I wanted to know the truth, so I texted her to catch up two weeks ago, but she never replied. I mustered my courage yesterday again. She replied!

She asked, ‘how many hours have we got left in a package?’ I cringed, my imagination ran wild, ‘oh no! She wants to cancel! She wants a refund! She wants to know how many painful hours she still has to stay with me for!’ I wanted to talk to her to find out what she really has in mind.

I took on a new client at the beginning of this year. She’s a young professional who works one of the most famous companies in the world. She’s got high IQ & EQ, is a learner, eager to improve herself, and hardworking. The problem is that she is critical of herself and therefore doesn’t think she’s any good.

I asked, ‘can you talk?’

‘Yes.’

Good.

‘How are you doing?’

‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ve been so busy doing lots of interviews. It’s also been very busy with my job!’

Oh no! She doesn’t need me anymore! She’s dealing with her challenges on her own!

‘Oh that sounds great!’ I tried to stay poised.

‘Yeah! And I have got news for you!’ I’m going to get a promotion as a manager!’

‘Really!? That sounds amazing!’

‘Yeah, I’ve been busy doing lots of interviews inside my company and outside.’

‘That’s really good to know! For a coach, the best thing is to know that a client stopped needing the coach, because that means you are capable of handling all challenges and you have grown. So I’m so happy to know that you are facing the interviews by yourself, feeling confident enough to deal with them!’

‘Yes, the 2 or 3 sessions I took really helped me gain clarity and awareness of myself.’

‘That’s great! Yes, the coaching is driven by you so if you don’t have any particular challenges you don’t know how to overcome by yourself then there is really no need to keep it up. How happy are you with your life now, from 1 to 10? If 10 is “I’m perfectly happy”?’

‘I would say 9.’

‘That’s great! I’m also curious – in your intake form, you said you would like to better understand your career path and what would be a good direction for you, whereas you have been applying for more jobs in your area. So how about that?’

‘I decided that I should give it a try before deciding that this is not the right path for me.’

‘Oh that’s great insight! Well done on taking this proactive step!’

Now it makes sense why she hasn’t been in touch! From this episode I learnt that I should also be more confident about my ability! If I don’t hear from the client, it is probably because they don’t need coaching anymore and I should be glad!

#ChooseConfidence #FeelEmpowered

Did you ever get angry that somebody never did the work because you never asked?

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I got a phone call the other day from my manager, ‘Coby is a mess! He is not pulling his weight! It’s so hard to get him to work! It’s impossible! It’s like pushing a big rock!’
‘What happened this time?’
‘I asked him for a proposal and he still hasn’t sent it to me! It was 24 hours ago!’
‘When did you agree when he will send it?‘
‘I asked him to do it when he’s free. I said it’s no rush.’
‘Oh maybe that’s why! If you say that then he will not prioritise this task.’
‘But he said he was going to do it last night!’
‘Okay let me talk to him to see what he’s up to and why he’s not sending you the work.’
I called Coby, ‘Sal said he’s waiting for a proposal from you?’
‘I asked him when he needed it. He said, “No it’s not urgent! Don’t worry! Do it only when you have finished your other work!”
‘He said you were going to send it to him last night?’
‘I asked him if he wanted it last night and he said no, it’s not urgent.’
I called Sal back immediately, ‘Hey Sal, maybe you can try to be more direct next time about when you want something? If you say “later”, “no rush”, then he will understand “no rush”. He can’t second guess you. If you want it immediately, he wouldn’t mind, he’ll do it, but he has to know that. You can’t blame someone if they didn’t know, can you?’
‘But Vivian sends me work immediately whenever I ask for it.’
This was interesting. It seems like some leaders, like Sal, can feel embarrassed about asking others to do things, so they are not being specific. They think they are being nice by saying, ‘oh don’t worry! It’s not urgent! Do it when you have time!’ Like Sal, they also assume that if Vivian works in the style they prefer, i.e. responds immediately, then others would do the same. And when others don’t, they are assumed to be lazy. Instead, these leaders create problems for themselves because things don’t get done.
Do you sometimes send mixed signals and then find your reportees don’t do any work, while thinking that they are lazy? Did you give them specific deadlines and set clear expectations? Did you tell them when?
#RememberTheWhenBesidesTheWhy #HeightenedAwareness #CommunicationCoaching

A little story about Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody

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This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.

Unknown author of condensed version of Charles Osgood’s –

A Poem About Responsibility.

I’m reading Scaling Up, the chapter about People, and this story came up.

What’s your experience? How did you deal with it? Do share!