Client showed up to get ready for an interview.

She talked about her strengths, ‘I have knowledge of the subject. I implement projects..’

All boring stuff. I started drifting..

I wondered, ‘What do you think are your special superpowers that you have, that other people don’t?’

‘Oh, my communication skills, my ability to work with multidisciplinary stakeholders, actors, lay office-wide change, build cross-sector alliance, influence different levels.’ 

That starts getting interesting! She’s talking about leadership!

I remember, ‘That’s it! You told me there are hundreds of people applying for this, only 10 will be selected for the interview. All of these applicants have the technical foundation. They’re good at designing programs; they’re subject matter experts. The person who is going to take this role needs to show they’ll get things done, they influence, they have great relationships at all levels.’

I realised as a coach, my value-add is from my intuition, perspective, and most of all, my belief in my clients’ ability. In this case, I have known her for 10 years now. I know she’s an outstanding professional who has dedicated her whole life to the area. She’s the subject matter expert. 

It’s our belief as coaches that the client is capable of handling their own lives that gives them confidence to succeed. We are not necessarily telling them anything new. We help them see more clearly what they don’t see, especially their strengths. We help them take a step back, see the bigger picture of their situation.

(As I’m writing, I’m wondering, what made the first answer boring? I realised it’s because it doesn’t stand out. They’re not strengths she connected with. It was what she thought she had to talk about. On the other hand, the second time, the answers came from within; she gave off sparks when she said them. That energy is contagious. It’s electrifying. That’s charisma!)

This week, client cried in a session because she wasn’t getting any interviews.

‘I haven’t been able to get anything! There’s no job postings at the moment, they’re all digital, marketing, or communication. I can’t help but think that I’ve gone into the wrong career!’

‘What makes you think that because you haven’t got an interview you picked the wrong career?’

‘My friends have got interviews.’

‘What may be the reason they have gotten interviews and not you?’

‘Coz they’ve been in the same career all their life. Eg I have a friend in marketing, she’s been in marketing.’

‘What might be other reasons you haven’t got an interview?’

‘The economy is not good.’

‘How many people have you written to?’

‘How many of which responded?’

‘What makes you think it didn’t work?’

‘What did you ask?’

‘What additional new info did you get?’

Would you believe me if I said you have complete control over how you feel? You don’t have to feel disappointed / angry / sad! When you feel stuck / upset, examine 1. what you’re telling yourself? Ask: What evidence do I have for that? What assumptions am I making? Are we not ultimately the ones who upset ourselves by saying ‘I’m not good at what I do’, ‘I’m not good enough to get a job’, ‘I should be fluent but don’t speak well.‘?

Yes! It’s all in our head! Take that monster out! Contrary to what we think, it’s not because ‘the team member isn’t doing a good job‘ that upsets us. It’s not because ‘my manager is an a$$hole’. It’s not because ‘I don’t earn $x much’, ‘I don’t live in ______________, I don’t drive [that dream car]’. It’s because of what we think / make of our lives!

Yes, we don’t need that amazing 6-star resort holiday to be happy! We don’t need that person to say such and such to us to be happy! We don’t need anything to be happy.

(Side note: If you have a special profile, you haven’t been in the same profession all your life and you want to move out of what you’re in, you have to be creative in your job search, because recruitment consultants pigeon hole candidates. The first ‘HR’ screening is actually a silly robot / AI – they only know what to do with you if they see an exact match of your profile and the job description.)