Back in Oct, a client seemed slightly different from his usual self..
He’d been working with me for three months, so I thought it might be a good time to check our progress, ‘How are we doing against your goals? Are they still the same? Are your plans still the same?’

He was quiet, almost seems to be tearful. Gosh! It seems that I hit a nerve! They say the best coaching question is when the client struggles to answer!

It turned out that he was sad because the promotion he was originally earmarked for is no longer going ahead, since the organisation is changing plans. Instead, he will keep doing what he does, but in a bigger role, in a bigger leadership capacity.

Then I suddenly thought of the exercise ‘Be Grateful’. ‘Please write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. In 21 days, you may notice the difference.’

It’s been 2 months. He’s noticeably happier. Funny enough, the things he said he’s grateful for are ‘having extra time for a lie-in, being able to cook a healthy lunch for myself, having a good chat with some friends’. It’s not ‘getting a promotion in my role, making more money than last year, buying a new car’.

Thinking about it, it seems to be a good exercise for the end of the year!
I’m sharing my three from today.

• I played Round The World Challenge for the first time and won twice in a row. I’m grateful I had the chance to travel and know a lot about different things about different countries.
• I’m grateful to have unusual Chinese parents who let me play the piano because I loved it, who let me study history of art because I loved it, who didn’t make me study law, economics or medicine, but are still proud of me. (Recently realised from other people’s experience that this is not a given!) 😮
• I feel lucky to have the taste bud to taste smoked salmon. 🙂

What about yours?

We’ve been going for a few sessions already with this thought leader. Now we’re onto the next stage!

Have 3 main points – check.

Be relevant to the audience – check.

Use examples that will support the objective to achieve the intended outcome – check.

Use language appropriate to her audience – check.

Problem is, yesterday, I still found myself getting distracted. I started thinking about my next client, the rest of my to-do list for the day. In that split second when my mind wanders, I brought myself back (I guess it’s easier for me than a normal audience to ‘come back’, since I was paid to do the job? lol) I realised, she’s like a machine gun!

I read in the bible of communication – Made To Stick (an amazing book, by the way. Anyone on earth that needs to interact with another individual should read it (unless you only work with animals or objects? :-p) that when it’s the same, the brain switches off. Our brains are designed to pay attention to changes, as a primal protection for us from natural dangers. E.g. you don’t pay any attention what-so-ever to the streets you walk down every day, but if there’s a giraffe there one day, you’d pay attention. Or you don’t pay attention to your colleagues, but if one day they show up wearing a big bowler hat, you’d pay attention, right?

It dawned on me. I told my client, ‘you remember when you were young, at school, when the classroom was very chaotic and no one is listening to the teacher? The teacher yells, trying to get through the sea of noise?

Then suddenly he gives up, coz he’s been screaming at the top of his lung for 10 minutes. So he’s angry. He stays quiet.

All of a sudden, all the students realise the teacher isn’t speaking anymore. They stop the chatters. They turn to see what happens. They stare at the teacher, finally paying attention.’

That’s right. We pay attention to silences, because we pay attention when something is different. On the stage we are speaking the whole time, and the audience expects us to. So when we pause, they listen.’

Talk non stop if you don’t want anyone to listen to you!

A recent new client shows up – an important thought-leader for one of the leading think tanks, a seasoned speaker on the media. She wants help to prepare for an important panel at the UN.

She spoke very fast. After 20 seconds I drifted.. I stopped listening..

I asked, ‘Why do you speak so fast?!’

She replied, ‘I’ve got only 5 minutes and I’ve got lots to tell these important leaders!’

:-0

That’s the killer.

Most people I’ve worked with to prepare to speak at an important event just speak too fast!! Most of the time it’s because they want to say a 30-minute worth content in 5 minutes! It’s not rocket science but it’s just not mathematically possible!

And usually it’s coz they are experts, so they know A LOT.

They get invited to share what they know.

They have A LOT to share, they are passionate about what they do, so they are eager to pour out all the info they have in their heads.

So they rush through their very important info.

It’s about making choices.

It’s about letting go.

It’s about recognising that either I rush through LOTS, and in the end the audience remembers nothing, or I sacrifice, choose only 3 main ideas, and the audience remembers 3 things.

It sounds like an easy choice, but it’s hard when you are the expert coz all the points seem to be equally important!

What are we telling the audience when we rush through our key messages?

Contrary to what we want to say, we’re actually saying ‘don’t worry, this is not really that important. I’m going through this really quickly since you don’t need to digest it.’

Let’s work together now to maximise your impact!

What’s this all about? Everyone suddenly talking about this buzzword. It’s easy. I will show you how. Do this and you will be practising mindfulness without you even knowing.

Find a comfortable place to sit down.

Make sure your back and feet are supported. Do not cross your legs.

Breathe in. Make sure your chest doesn’t move up. Bulge out your belly button.

Breathe out. Suck in your belly button to your spine.

*I once heard this from a yogi. The key is not to breathe in. The key is to breathe out. Once you breathe out, you will have capacity for air to get in.*

Now your chest shouldn’t be moving at all. Just your belly doing the work.

As you breathe in, count to 5.

Breathe out. Count to 5.

Do this 3 times (ie. 10 times in and out).

Then, start to visualise the air going through your nose, your wind pipes, into your belly, and the same way out as you breathe out.

Notice any tensions in your body. Your eyelids. Your eye brows. Your cheeks. Your neck. Scan your body. Make a conscious effort to relax the parts that you find tensions in.

During this time, keep bulging the belly in and out.

That’s it! Voilà! You’ve just practiced mindfulness.

You can do this anywhere. I love telling clients to take 5 minutes off their desk by dashing to the bathroom, find a cubicle, and that’s your mindfulness island.

There’s more to it, about the thoughts and all. But this is basically beginners’ guide to mindfulness.

I created this guide after taking a look at all the clients who have approached me. Most of them have one thing in common. They came, asking, with a little desperation, ‘could you please help me with my English,’ to which I would, admittedly, feel bewildered. Since most of these individuals are highly educated, their English is, sometimes, even better than a Native speaker’s!

This guide will help you overcome any challenge you have! Any situations that may be making you feel uneasy.

It can be the interview you are about to have next week for a job opportunity that you have been waited for, for 2 years.

It may be the very important presentation that you need do when the global chairman is visiting next week.

It may be the difficult conversation you have been trying to have with your boss for the past year, about the pay rise that you need so much, so that you can pay for the swimming lessons of your 8-year-old girl.

Sign up to download your FREE guide on how to overcome any challenge!

According to this Harvard Business Review article, coaching is really powerful! ‘No other productivity investment comes close to coaching in improving reps’ performance’ – by up to 19%!

Though what it is also saying, is that it is important to choose the right candidates to be coached! These should be the middle 60% core performers, not the top or the bottom..!

Yes! I know it’s controversial! That said, from a company’s performance management perspective, it seems to make sense! I would say the decision for coaching should also depend on the intended outcome. If the objective is to improve engagement and reduce turnover rate, then the criteria for coachees would be different. If the objective is to prepare coachees for promotion and next level roles, that’s also going to change the candidate selection!

For the majority of us, rest assured, coaching works!

#CoachingIsGold #HeightenedAwareness #WhatIsCoaching #DemystifyCoaching

Tell you a secret..

A trick to improve your communication impact if you’re low on budget.

Your phone is your best mate!

1. Turn on the video camera (tip – make sure there’s enough memory or else it’d stop in the middle of the recording)

2. Give the presentation or that important speech

3. Check your own video

4. Do it 3 times

5. After this you will have noticed some bad habits e.g. fiddling or fillers that would undermine your executive presence.