Client: I still feel anxious when I have to speak up in meetings. I feel I understand everything but still I feel afraid to speak! I got so exhausted on the business trip! I had to concentrate so hard!

Me: it sounds like you may have the imposter syndrome.. Let me show you something.

*sent client this article*

Me: What comes to your mind?

Client: It seems I am the ‘perfectionist’ imposter..! I’m saying yes to all the questions!

*****

I seem to be surrounded by the perfectionist imposters, which seems to be constantly living under tyranny.. Perfect is not fun at all. It just causes grief for themselves and for others. Not a good thing.

Do you have the imposter syndrome?

I’ve always loved this: clients have come to me asking ‘please help me improve my communication, I NEED YOU!’, while most of the time they just need a shot of confidence and self-awareness!

Find your way out. Ask ‘what would happen if it weren’t perfect?’ ‘What’s the worst that could happen if it wasn’t the way I’d do it?’

#EmpowerWomen #DevelopWomen #WomensConfidence #GirlPower #CareerForWomen #CoachingIsGold #HeightenedAwareness

Someone I met today asked me, ‘What’s the difference between coaching and training?’

*Interesting question and great curiosity! I seldom get this kind of intellectual discussion. Was delighted by it!*

Me: Coaching is different from training. Coaching relies on the coachee to do the hard work and find the answers. The coach helps the coachee think. It requires an active involvement from the coachee. Training, on the other hand, is more passive. The trainee sits in the receiving end.

Several exchanges later..

New acquaintance: Oh! Then maybe it depends on the individual. When they don’t know anything, maybe they need training. After a while maybe they need coaching to maximise their performance because they already know the basics. Coaching is just to highlight certain blindspots. Then maybe coaching is more suitable for a more experienced person, whilst training is needed for a novice?

*Wow. I couldn’t have put it any better!*

My 2 cents:

Coaching: Co-creating to find the ways to overcome challenges. Coaches are not experts. They act as mirrors to help coachees reflect and find answers for themselves. The coach helps coachee stay on track, take the necessary actions to achieve the goals. Focus on solutions, the future, actions. Coachees do most of the talking (80%).

Consulting: Consultants are usually an expert in the topics. They tell you what to do.

Training: the trainer talks, transfers knowledge. Trainers do most of the talking.

Mentoring: A more experienced individual giving advice and guidance to the mentee on areas that the mentor is familiar with (e.g. how to manage a business, a team, a career etc)

Psychotherapy: focused on understanding the past. Focused on problems.

Take an assessment to see which is right for you!

Examples

How many of the following are you saying yes to?

How ‘coachable’ are you?

Apart from wanting to grow and be coached and having an open mind, are you also willing to set aside the time to complete agreed assignments (could be as simple as thought exercise) that will help you achieve your goals?

1. I commit to being on time for all calls and appointments.
2. I am ready to do the work and complete the exercises that will help me with my goals.
3. I take 100% responsibility for my actions.
4. I am prepared to be flexible, apply new concepts and engage in different ways of doing things.
5. I am honest to myself and my coach.
6. As soon as I feel that I am not getting what I need in the partnership, I will share and work with coach toward my goals.
7. I am ready to recognise, and change the self-defeating behaviours which limit growth.

The more ‘yes’ you have, the more you’re ready for your coaching partnership! Ready to make breakthroughs in your life?

Today Client told me she’s applying for a position in the private sector even though she is from the public sector..

Client: I’m applying for this job but I have mixed feelings.. They are asking in the application why I’m interested in that position…I have no idea what to say..
Me: why are you applying for this job?
Client: I find it quite interesting..
Me: What about it do you find interesting?
Client: I think the private sector also plays an important role.

*question evaded*

Me: So why do you want this job? I can put you in touch with some people, although I’m not sure this is what you want, because I understand you want to work with policies and projects for the country e.g. working for the government or a multilateral organization.

*silence*

Are you applying for just any job you can find?
Sometimes it can get stressful when we’re not getting anywhere with what we want at the first place..
We get sidetracked, and start looking for other possibilities.
In the end, we may end up just wasting our time, because we’ll find it hard to explain why the company should hire us, since we don’t really want it, we won’t be able to get through the first screening, if it’s not what we want at the first place!

And if we decide to branch out, we should be clear about why.

First, be clear about what we want, instead of browsing for what’s available.

Focus on 1 goal, be clear about why and what, then we can think about how to get it, whether it’s applying for vacancies, networking to know where the opportunity is, or maybe even creating the role if it doesn’t exist!

Find what the problem is, then think about ways to solve it! Not running around like a headless chicken different tools when we aren’t clear about what we need the tools for at the first place!

Take driver’s seat of your career now!

Recently I have had some clients who approached me for coaching. I’m slowly learning that I cannot work with everyone who comes. Why not?

Coaching works because of the process, which is based on adult learning theories.

Coaching helps coachee gain clarity on thoughts and actions that are required to attain the set goals. This Forbes article very nicely describes the neuro-process that occurs in a coaching process.

For coaching to work, first, the coachee needs to have the desire for the change.

Then they need to feel the need for a change.

Then, they need to be able to commit the time to take action toward the goal.

For example, if I wish to get a new job, first I need to have the desire for that, e.g. ‘I want to make more money’. Then I need to have the need for that ‘I need to make more money so I can pay for a bigger apartment for my growing family.’ Then I need to be able to commit the time e.g. ‘I am committed to allocating time every day at 6-7pm to work on this goal.’

After all that, I am now ready and open to co-create some solutions with my coach in the coaching session, e.g. look at job descriptions, meet new people etc.

A typical coaching cycle: coaching session -> coachee does the tasks -> report back & track progress in coaching session -> more tasks -> coaching session etc

After knowing what needs to be done, the coachee allocates and spends time carrying out the tasks that have been established from a session. That’s why there needs to be gaps between sessions. I would say 70% of coaching happens in between sessions. That’s also why coaching is a process that takes 6-12 months for change to happen.

The common tasks are affirmations, reflection, writing down answers e.g. values, beliefs, goals, strengths, empowering paradigms, reading, preparing answers for interviews, making presentation speeches, consciously changing the way they interact with people etc.

Coaching is a partnership that without effort from both the coach and coachee, it wouldn’t work.

Further reads:

Use this 3-minute test to see if it’s the right solution for you!

Are you ready? Use this self-evaluation to find out!

What’s the difference between coaching, consulting, training, mentoring and psychotherapy?

Take the Coachability assessment to find out!